Did you know that you were born not to struggle? That you were born to live a life where joy was an everyday occurrence for all of us. You were not suppose to toil in your work everyday, feel exhausted, worry and suffer. If that is how life should be, then what’s the point of your life?

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As many of you know I just released my new book entitled,  ”I’m Not That Woman…A Fatherless Daughter’s Journey to Being. I have written several other books, but never one where I opened up and shared the secret chambers of my heart. In this book I shared parts of myself that, until now, I never had the courage to share with anyone, yet alone to write it in a book. To say that I was afraid would be an understatement.

 It takes courage to let others see parts of your life that you’ve kept locked away and to risk being ridiculed, judged or even criticized for the things that you reveal. But this was something that I had to do and I couldn’t say “no” even if I wanted to. Because it was a definite assignment and mandate on my life in this season.

 I knew that this book would change the lives of those who read it, yet I would have rather did something different. After some real Resistance and receiving lots of encouragement from my husband, my coach and a few friends, I finally said “yes’ and wrote the book.

I thought I would feel better and feel a sense of accomplishment. And I did for a little while.  But on the day I announced that the book was being released, a cloud of fear came over me and shook me to the core. I became ill and gripped with a sudden pain in my stomach. Out of no where I heard myself say, “it’s not good enough.”  Then I repeated this statement to my husband and to one of my daughters who had read the manuscript. I was looking for some kind of reassurance. They both assured me that it was a good book, but I still wasn’t feeling any better.

Where did this uncertainty  and self doubt come from and who was in my head feeding me all of these negative thoughts? I’m the Love Lifestyle Coach, I don’t do self doubt any more. Right?  Wrong! Because  I was in complete overwhelm. What was I  afraid of?

So I did what I do best: begin to pray and meditate.  Then I waited on an answer. The answer I received came in the form of a question. “Do you trust me?”, was what I heard deep within me. I said “yes” to the Voice. That Distinctive Voice that I knew was God speaking to me. As I continued to listen further I heard, “It Is Enough And So Are You.”  Then  there was complete silence. Nothing else. I waited for more and none came.

What I learned from that beautiful encounter is that anytime we embark upon a new journey, one that we’ve never traveled before, we will experience some fear.  Fear of the unknown and fear of wanting to know how it will all turn out. The negative thoughts were coming from old data that was previously programmed and stored in my subconscious and  it was trying to take on life again.  For years I would struggle with not feeling good enough and that old belief  was trying to rise up in me once again.  It was a controlling belief that held my life hostage for years and I was not going to allow it to resurface.

Because of the  knowledge and skills that I’ve acquired through my years of personal and spiritual growth training, I was able to identify completely what was happening.  I also knew that these thoughts did not originate from my true authentic self. It was that old false self, the one who walked around with a case of mistaken identity. So I reminded myself that  ”I’m Not That Woman!”

I remembered who I was again and stepped back into my power. The fear left and I began to rejoice. Then it dawned on me that I had  just completed “Lesson One” from my book. Wow, God really does have a sense of humor.

Why am I sharing this with you today? Because many of you are sitting on ideas, messages, books, inventions, businesses and gifts that you have allowed yourself to believe that it is not enough. Today, I want to encourage you to push beyond your fears and do it anyway. Will you be criticized? Perhaps you will, but do it anyway. I can promise you that the reward  you will receive from stepping out of your fears into your power will make it worth the effort. And think about all the other people who will benefit because you dared to say “yes I am enough.”

What is it that you’ve been afraid to do? I want to hear from you. Release your fear and share it below. Once you have declared it, you now have to do it. Now that you know, you can’t pretend that you don’t. Let me hear from you.

Remember, live authentically, laugh everyday and embrace love as a lifestyle.

]]> http://www.thelovelifestyle.com/2012/04/i-didnt-believe-it-was-good-enough/feed/ 1 http://www.thelovelifestyle.com/2012/04/what-does-your-story-say-to-the-next-generation/ http://www.thelovelifestyle.com/2012/04/what-does-your-story-say-to-the-next-generation/#comments Tue, 17 Apr 2012 15:35:17 +0000 The Love Lifestyle Coach http://www.thelovelifestyle.com/?p=1811

That’s my a photo of my great grandmother. I did not have the honor of knowing her because by the time I was born, she had already transitioned. But my mother has told me many  wonderful stories about her and I have held those stories dear to my heart.

Many of the stories have influenced my life in many ways and are the reasons why I am who I am today. As I mature in age, I can’t help but wonder how the stories that I am currently creating in my life will impact my great grandchildren?

Stories shape and form our lives in ways that we have not yet begun to understand. They can either have positive impacts on the next generation or they can have negative ones. The great thing about this is that you and I get to choose how we want our stories to impact them. Each day that we live our lives, we are creating stories for the next generation. How do you want your story to read?

My great-grandmother’s father was a white man and her mother was black who loved each other dearly. She was born and reared in the deep south during a time where bi-racial children we NOT acceptable. Against many odds, including her life being at risk daily, she became a very successful business woman, wife and mother of nine children. While I have never met her, I know her and what I know has given me the courage to stand in the face of giants and not fear. This is the lesson that Laura Taylor’s story taught my mother who is a 45 year breast cancer survival and owned and a successful hair salon for over 38 years. This is the lesson that Laura’s story will teach my daughters.

Just like fire, our stories have power. Power to bring protection and warmth to many or the power to destroy lives. The great thing…you and I get to choose which story we want to leave behind.

Remember, live authentically, laugh everyday and embrace love as a lifestyle.

As women we can sometimes find ourselves overwhelmed with a long list of things to do on a daily basis. I often speak to women who are feeling overwhelmed, overworked and even over looked.

Trying to find balance between family, work and outside activities can become stressful on a woman. And when this happens, we tend to become frustrated, tired and grumpy. We begin to say and do things that we know are not in alignment with who we really are.

I know this feeling oh so well and I too have found myself out of alignment with my truest self. I would get so overwhelmed, so out of balance, until I would want to just scream! And sometimes at others.   After becoming tired of the up and down emotional roller coaster of being over whelmed, I had to find away to deal with my everyday life and not allow my schedule to change who I am.

I pride myself on running my business with systems. I had a mentor that would say to me, “good companies are people supported and great companies are system supported.”  I found that once I implemented systems into my business, it took off and it became easy to operate without overwhelm. So I asked myself, “what if I did the same thing with my everyday life?”So I  did and it has made the difference of being overwhelmed to being over joyed.

1. Pray and meditate first thing in the morning. I have learned that if I start my day with prayer and meditation, it sets the tone for the rest of my day. This daily ritual creates within me a state of being of love which causes me to remain in peace and relaxation. There’s value in prayer and meditation early in the mornings. It doesn’t necessarily change your day, but it does change you, how you deal with the day’s issues  and your perspective about the issues.

2. Admit that you cannot do everything today and being willing to let somethings go. As women, we have this need to feel that we can fix and take care of everything and everyone. That just isn’t true. As a life coach, a wife, a mother, grandmother, daughter, sister and friend, I get calls and emails daily from people who have issues they feel need my immediate attention.  I have learned over the years that there’s not one thing that cannot wait. How do I know this? Because if I was dead, all of these people would find an alternative solution to their problems, instead of me. That being said, I have moved away from the superwoman syndrome of trying to be everything to everyone.

While I do care and love these people, I also know that I am not the answer to their problems, God is…Love is. This  new perspective has taken a load off of me. I understand that my purpose is the teach people how to take love and heal their lives. That’s it. Anything else is out of my lane. Whew, what a relief.

3. Implement a system for your daily activities. We often find ourselves working until late at night doing the laundry, washing dishes, preparing the house for the next day. Why not put the running of your house on a system? I only do heavy cleaning to my house every other Friday, which is when my cleaning lady came before I had to fire her. Since I have not found her replacement yet, I just keep that same cleaning schedule. In between, I make sure that Bill and I pick up as we go. Make the bed as soon as we get up, load the dish washer as soon as we eat. Do laundry on the same day each week, shop for groceries the same day every two weeks, gas the cars the same day each week and pay bills on an automatic system. Why am I telling you this? We created a system that makes running the home effortless and without overwhelm. Have a meeting with your family and share with them the new system that you want to implement. It will make your life a lot easier and leave more time for the things that matters most, which is spending time with each other.

4. Realize that you come first. We have been programmed to believe that when we put our families first, that is honorable. I have learned that when I put myself first, love myself, attend to my needs, put my mask on first, it gives me the fuel necessary to be there for others. If you have ever flown in an airplane, the stewardess gives you instructions before the flight takes off. One of the things she tells us is to put the oxygen mask on yourself first, then help your child. Why wouldn’t you help your child first? This would be a natural instinct for a mother. But if your oxygen is depleted, if you can’t breathe, how will you have enough strength to help anyone else? Giving to others from a full cup instead of an empty cup is what will keep you from being overwhelmed.

This was one of the most difficult things for others in my life to accept when I made this shift. My daughters would call me on a Saturday morning and want to hang out, go shopping and have lunch and when I would say “no”, they would freak out. They would ask what did I have to do and when I said nothing, they really had a problem. I would have nothing to do because I designed it that way. I learned that my every waking moment did not have to filled with something to do. I could at any moment have a do nothing day, even when my family wanted my attention. It was about me, “doing me first.”  Once they embraced this new shift, things they began to value the time that we did spend together.

Being overwhelmed has been the number one reason why most women get depressed, sick and even overweight. It is because they have not implemented a system in their lives that will help to eliminate the stress that comes with being overwhelmed. I want to encourage you to create a system that will work for you and your life. Not only will your life begin to change, but so will the lives of those around you.

Remember, Live Authentically, Laugh Everyday and Embrace Love as a Lifestyle.

Please leave a comment below if you agree or disagree with this article. We want to hear from you.

Today is the day that millions of people celebrate love!  The retail industry is projecting that they will earn billions of dollars on today as men and women hurry to purchase roses, candy, flowers, jewelry, dinners and all sorts of gifts to bestow upon their beloved. 

Yet, there are millions of women who will feel left out, depressed and cheated because they are not receiving any roses at work, or no one is asking them out to dinner. These are the women who will feel that there’s something wrong with them because they are not apart of the hoopla.

I can relate to this painful feeling, because when I was a divorce mother of three children, I too wanted so desperately to be apart of love’s holiday. But it was when I discovered that the love I so wanted, I hadn’t given it to myself.

And so it is with many women I meet today. I’ve seen and talked to women who have created and manifested businesses that not only generated great lively hoods for them, but has given hundreds  of others lively hoods. Yet, these women still feel bad about themselves.

I’ve seen women in the caring and healing professions, teachers, ministers, doctors who save lives and life coaches, who help direct people’s journey, go home and tell themselves terrible things and feel unworthy and unlovable.

I talk to women and as I look deep within their eyes into their souls and I see so much pain.  They are not aware of their own beauty, their magic, their sparkle, their vitality and their spirit. Let’s face it. We all have been these women and for many of us, we still are.

It’s in our alone space, or on days like today, we begin to ask the question–”what’s wrong with me?”

The answer to that question is not about what’s going on outside of you, but what is going within you. Your spirit is just a little tilted…because many of you don’t know how to authentically love yourselves.

You create lovely homes for your families, take care of your children, and get up every morning feeling like “I’m not good enough and I’m not lovable.” This becomes the root of every imbalance you suffer.

Many women believe that if they can get organized enough or create more balance in their lives — that this will fix the anxiety that they are feeling. That’s because you are under the illusion that something outside of you is going to make you feel whole. But only true authentic self love can do that for you.

It is time that we begin to heal from that injury of self-rejection that was inflicted upon us. It’s the injury that all of us encountered somewhere along the way. By someone else who no doubt was also injured. In many cases by someone who has long gone out of our lives.

It’s time that you come into a deep appreciation for the wonder, the magnificence of who you are and know that it’s not based on what you do, but by virtue of your very existence.

So today is not just about celebrating love for someone else. It really can be also about healing and recovery. It’s about taking the your next step towards an act of incredible self love and compassion.

Just as you look into a baby’s eyes and see a precious, magnificent work of art…a divine miracle. Today,  I want to encourage you to  look yourself in the mirror and see the same magnificence, divine miracle. Because the miracle didn’t change, she just grew up and got a little larger.  The magnificence didn’t go away. As you look in the mirror, say to yourself, “I LOVE YOU!” That my sister , is what real love looks like.

And Remember, Live Authentically, Laugh Everyday and Embrace Love as a Lifestyle.

We would love to hear from you. Please leave your comment below.

I love you! At the right time, in the right place, these three little words can literally change your life–when spoken by the right person.

Below are  three things you can do right now to begin making love work.

1.  Focus on relaxing your control, become more flexible and sensitive to your partner. Often time women become very rigid in their relationships by holding back and detaching emotionally for fear of being dominated by their man. But it’s when we move from a place of fear into a place of love and generosity that we can experience real connections with our partners.
2.  Initiate closeness by sharing your feelings more. Many women, who are successful, tend to avoid real intimacy by staying busy for fear of rejection. Make room in your schedule and spend quality time with your mate to create a space for openness, care and real love. By doing so, you will come to realize that connecting and giving your love does not lead to rejection.
3.  Be willing to learn something new. Many times we become locked in an old paradigm of thinking that’s producing the problems in our relationship. Perhaps it’s time that you make a shift into identifying those limiting patterns that are keeping your life stuck. Hiring a life coach or mentor to help you learn to live from a new feminine power base would be a great asset.

Our real worth and our real power are not in our material power or success; it is in our feminine authentic self. A real man is not hard to find…but a real woman might be.

And remember, live authentically, laugh everyday and embrace love as a lifestyle! Because success really does begin with love.

We would love to hear what you have to say, please leave us a comment below.

This is a picture of my granddaughter, Aubrie. Aubrie does competitive cheerleading. I must admit that she is really great and she competes in a bigger age group because of her advanced skills. She even has a fan base. Sometimes when we are out in restaurants, people come up to her because they know who she is.

While Aubrie does have natural skills and talents, we must give her coach the credit for being able to develop her skills to the level of a champion. One of the other things that I notice in the sport of competitive cheerleading is their ability to work together as a unit. There’s a lot of lifting and flipping bodies up in the air. It takes courage and trust for these young people to allow someone to flip them in the air and catch them without dropping them.

They develop this trust along with the skills by spending an enormous amount of time time together, training, working and playing together. That’s what makes a championship team. Aubrie’s coach, who is her mom and my daughter, is credited for coaching this team to  national championships.

There’s a level of commitment that is required from a championship team that is not required of others. They must train several times a week and  cannot miss scheduled trainings and competitions. The schedule can be tough, especially for a seven year old. But she does it without complaint.

I often wonder what would happen if we would adapt the same strategies, skills and commitment in our life,  that Aubrie’s team does? Could we experience a successful championship life? How committed are you to working with others to build trust and unity towards a common goal of creating a better world? Do you have a coach to help you get to that next level? What if…I’m just saying…..

Remember, Live Authentically, Laugh Everyday and Embrace Love as a Lifestyle.

So you’ve lost your job? Now you are wondering what’s next? How will you pay the mortgage? Millions of women have recently found themselves in this place and are truly frustrated with how they will be able to survive.

I want to share with you that you can not only survive, but also thrive even if you’ve lost your job.  You can start by answering this question, “Did you really love that job or were you there because it provided a paycheck?”  What if this emergency has showed up in your life so that the real you could emerge?

Over and over again, I have witness many of my clients lose their jobs only to discover their real and true purpose in life. And I would like for you to maybe entertain the fact that your job loss could really be  a career gain. You can truly move from being jobless to being joyful if you are willing to follow these three steps:

Decide to stop being a victim. You didn’t loose your life, you just lost a job. Or shall I say a paycheck? You can at any moment replace your paycheck and it can be done relatively quick. You job is not your only source for money and understanding this will move you from being a victim to being victorious.

Use what’s in your hands.  What can you do right now to begin earning some money? Most women would say that they don’t have anything they can do to earn money. But if they spend five minutes with me asking them the right questions, you will discover that you are sitting on several streams of income sources. With the right coach or mentor, you can very easily discover this to be true. Use what’s already in your hand. Take an inventory of the things you do well and then get with a coach to learn how to quickly monetize it.

Make a Bold Move. Once you have stop playing the victim and you’ve discovered what’s in your hand, it is time to make a bold move. Just sitting back planning and preparing is not enough. In fact, you don’t have a lot of time to spend prepping and that is a form  hiding as well. Just get to moving towards asking someone to do business with you. Simply pick up the phone and start to talking. Share what you are doing and don’t forget to ask for the money. Yes!! Ask for the money. You are selling your services and products, not giving them a way.

In closing, I want you to know that you are not alone. There are millions out there who have lost their jobs. But you cannot allow your lost to define who you are and where you want to go. It takes courage to get up and start again. It take tremendous heart to make a decision to go into business for yourself. You have heart and you have courage, so jump and grow your wings on the way!!

Leave your comment below, I would love to hear from you.